the inner machinations of my tech manticore

good afternoon, blog posting before i go to work like a hashtag adult..

my view more on twt says that i dont publicly insert myself into fandoms anymore, which ultimately is true. the last fandom i was openly a part of was, dont judge me, the marauders (harry potter) fandom. N had gotten me to watch all of the movies back in 2023 and you know.. hyperfixations are born that way. + im a movie lover, it was inevitable lol.

pre-covid fandoms were much more my style of things, which is one of the reasons i disappeared from most places. the late 00s and early 10s was where fandom peaked. at least in my opinion but i may be a bit biased as thats simply my favorite era of life & culture anyway? during/post-covid fandoms, i think everyone can agree, have fucking plummeted. the rise of normies blah blah we all know what happened..

but ive also changed a lot as a person both in growing into my adult self and re-entering fandom. believe it or not saturn frathypen used to be a very miserable and mean person online.. 90% of my post-covid fandom experiences were negative not just from online but i was also the problem lol. i was such a massive hater about everything i didnt like. trust, i was never an expose thread person, but i was just not very nice. like my reputation in the marauders fandom before i left was hating moonstar & shipping remus with sirius' brother instead. (shoutout moonseeker, still my mains)

and dont get me wrong im still a hater, but quietly.. or with my roommates. (never about any of my sweet oomfs btw) but even then, i dont put things i would dislike on my own tl bc i simply dont care enough. i care a lot about a lot of things, hence my anxiety.. but learning (convincing myself) that things just Dont Matter has helped a lot with my experiences. why care enough to give any of whatever witch hunts just happened a week ago the attention they wanted. i think i mentioned it vaguely once? then continued on with my life bc it doesnt matter. i was in much scarier corners of the internet where one "wrong opinion" got you doxxed. not some expose thread people can just use a blockchain on. like who gives a fuck lol.

anyways my frontal lobe developing itself has made me drop the whole hater personality. which ultimately made me more likeable online. though still im not a likeable person.. but thats more of a personal feeling rather than my outward personality to those around me lol. i love my mutuals and yeah i may be a bit picky with who i follow back on entwt but thats me protecting my peace. ive soft blocked like two people now simply because i no longer cared for their posts. or theyre just too caught up in internet beef bullshit. again who gives a fuck...

but going back to the way i interacted with fandom in the 10s has been a magical experience. i have fun online and dont really feel anxiety about opening my phone like i did before. i like that i can tweet stupid shit and people will like it and agree with me and we can all giggle about enhypen and their very homosexual relationships with each other. i really enjoy the little fandom pocket ive landed myself in. also everything is more fun without teenagers! (yes 18+ includes teenagers but you know what i mean) i would make my account 20+ but thats a bit harder of a boundary to keep online lol. as long as youre not an idiot then.. whatever lol.

tbf this is my first experience in fandom as an adult surrounded by other 20-somethings, and its great. i feel like im kind of just talking in circles now.. TLDR i love enhypen and all my beautiful mutuals who also like me :) those are my thoughts.

-saturn